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This is me, vulnerable et al.

Ever since I started being vocal about my goals on social media, my story always starts with a pretext of a hard past. A victimised one. But f@#k that shit.

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Because chances are if you’re human, no matter how privileged you are, or how you suffer from the lack of it, life has been unfair to you.

Sure, the severity varies, the frequency varies, your threshold in face of adversities vary, and most importantly your ability to get over it.

Either you’ve been screwed over, or you have screwed someone over. Over & over.

And unless you decide on becoming a monk(no guarantee), this cycle will continue until the day you die.

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So instead I want to talk about a couple of ballsy decisions I took in the last 1 year that changed my life and inspired me to change the lives of fellow humans, and the world around us.

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Growing up, I loved the idea of being ripped - lean sculpted shoulders, popping quads and butt, Michelle Obama’s arms, and last but we all know not the least - toned abs. Every year that I spent living a lie, I saw this dream slipping away - one illness at a time. This supposedly perfect life, with a fancy job and financial stability was making my mind sick and my body F@# (the tabooed F word).

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So when shit hit the fan in 2020, my privileged ass decided to quit on this life. I say privileged because the more people I speak to, I know how many of us are stuck in soul sucking jobs/ lives and can’t get out. Because life, and someone’s got to put food on the table.

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I was severely, clinically depressed in February – March 2020, at my lowest low. I decided to choose myself. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I didn’t know what to do or where to start. Also at this stage I was the most favourable host to all diseases physically and mental, and I was already hosting about 20+.

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Depression has various manifestations, but the most prominent one is emotional and physical numbness or paralysis. Your therapist will tell you to break the most mundane tasks into steps. Getting out of bed can be broken down into 10 steps. Open your eyes – step 1, feel your toes & fingers step 2, and putting one foot out of the bed and on the floor is probably step 7, so reeaalllyyy tiny steps. And if you’re on medication, dial this down further.

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Slowly weaning off medication was the first thing I took on, it was tough and came with painful withdrawals. Step 2 was prioritising movement, hydration and eating to nourish. Every cell in my body was working against me for weeks at stretch! It took about 6 weeks of tears, sweat, blood and my mind screaming bloody murder every time I decided to intentionally move.

But sometime in April my mind & body began to get on board. And the rest is history.

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I have taken on random challenges in the past, to prove someone wrong, to prove my worth, to do a better job than others, to change a toxic boyfriend for the better, and oh man, the time I have wasted.

But this challenge was only for me, just me, battling against my demons for myself, making my today better than yesterday in all ways.

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Not only did I make these changes work for myself, but just putting my story out got SO many of you to reach out to me, and talk about your challenges, weaknesses, sources of anxiety, triggers. Atleast 40 of you, and from various walks of life, and now I know I am not alone in this struggle, and I never was.

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Today, 8 months later, being on the other side, when I look back, I don’t recognise the person I was, the life I was living, the decisions I was making.

But I can say this with a lot of confidence that your mindset will decide the course your life takes. You can be differently abled and win marathons OR you can have all your limbs intact and spend your life sulking in bed.

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Deciding to get in shape and fix my dysfunctional eating habits, understanding the deep rooted (nutrition related) impact of food on mental health, falling in love with boxing and conditioning is the best thing I’ve done for myself in 28 years of living. It took immense courage to turn my passion to help people feel better than ever before combined with deep knowledge in nutritional psychology and movement to my full time hustle. And I have never been happier!

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So to sum it up –

· It is possible to be healthier & happier at any point in life, no matter what is going on, as long as YOU decide to change your life.

· It is never okay to resign and give up on yourself and let life or your illnesses take over, the victim mindset paralyses you like nothing else, not even the actual disease. Always persist on climbing out of any ditch you land in, no matter how deep.

· Figuring out just to be by yourself without worrying about the world and what is expected of you is crucial for your happiness, and happiness is crucial for your health.

· You win some, you lose some, always. Pick your battle, choose your side. And when the choice is between you and anything material. Always. Choose. You.



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